This should not be this way. but this is what happened to me. the last time when I so want something, I’m so sure. I’ve got it now, but I’m still debating with myself whether I could finish it or not. something in my head continues to meet and enliven the debate for the sake of argument that should not have happened. but there’s what happened to me. I spent half of my time to argue. I do have to take risks. as usual in every my process I shout towards something. I have to work hard for a miracle. miracle that I put myself alone, not them. I just need to understand the miracle of life fully when I allow things unexpected to happen. it’s about why I have to constantly look for reasons why I’m not happy. but clearly, the God gave me the sun, is also a time when we are able to change everything that makes us unhappy. I should not pretend not to experience it, consider the time did not exist, that today the same as yesterday and tomorrow will be different.

I should really pay attention to my life, and hope to find that magic moment. that can occur when we do something trivial. might like to prepare children to face the door key in the lock; right away to hide in silence just after lunch, or in a thousand and one things that we looked alike. but when it’s there, when all the star power to be a part of us and allows us to look, and look at the journey we have traveled it with pride and confidence. and this should have happened to me. as it appears in paragraphs Paulo Coelho. a novelist who always flashed in my head when I think about life.

(Source: mylastparagraph.wordpress.com)

about them  I still thank God, also about my meeting with them. they are so open, my mind became more open. I secretly continue to learn from them. even the way they smile, and put their hands on my shoulders. I learn from them. when I could make a special paragraph for them? I think I’ve done it. and I ended with my gratitude to them whose hands are open to me.  (special for my friends in Paramadina Graduate Schools (PGS) of Political Communication)  Jakarta, 17 Oktober 2011

One day a woman contacted me and planned a meeting between her and her husband. during the sting, her voice made me stop and think for a moment. what has happened to the woman and her husband? although I’m curious, but I did not get a chance to ask more. she closed her talk, and then send short message containing about our meeting time. Unfortunately again, my mind was filled with my papers that college assignments unresolved. so sorry can not meet as soon as possible is the only reason I can give.

after that calls, her messages are not as often as I refused several times before we planned meetings. all of a sudden in this condition, I am forced to not care. I transformed the figure of a selfish and not willing to share. but now I can not do more. my condition forced me to focus on one thing. she may be fine, that’s all I can hope. she was a middle-aged woman who chose to sit next to me, when our first meeting. I had little time to think why. it is something natural for me, sitting on the train by myself and other passengers will soon be coming for some men and women. I was only the first early chance to get my seat.

 ”This is not my number,” she said suddenly.

 ”But I chose to sit with other women, my seat number in there,” she continued.

 ”I’m not used to sitting with a man who is not my husband,” she said.

 ”Oh, please ma’am,” replied a short while a casual smile.

we were the pessangers who didn’t get tickets because the executive has been exhausted. on the wagon train Cirebon Business Express (Cireks) Cirebon goal-Jakarta. I do not think what though not as comfortable as an executive. but look at her appearance in the middle of the car business, it feels a little awkward. looking so shiny complete with accessories and tote bags are also not the usual travel bag. no longer need to guess and wait for the answer, I understand, she is also the possibility of not getting tickets in the comfortable carriage. and true as well, such as being able to read my mind, all of a sudden he explained that he did not get tickets because the executive has run out. then we did a trip on a Sunday afternoon. ah, but it should not as busy.

we sat in silence for a moment. silence. silent and indifferent to one another is a common problem in the train, bus, public transportation, aircraft, and other trips. and women with knick-knacks on the hood was open discussion.

 ”I am not used to train business, let alone have a bench with a man,” she said opening the conversation.

I still read the atmosphere, it seems women next to me will tell you more. indication that the trip about three hours will be filled as a loyal listener. then her story continues to flow. about her husband being so hard as a rock, as he termed the attitude and character of her husband. even until he retired and her children had married. her husband’s hard to change his attitude. she continued to talk more and very open about her household. and the conclusion of all that happened was that she should continue to be patient. like other women, she wanted him to understand it and then relented. but the obstinacy of her husband’s scared half to death. even in this world, the most dreaded was her husband.

she was afraid of divorce, because her children have grown up. her husband is a successful workhorse, but has now retired. her husband’s attitude is like a young man who never miss hanging out with his theme in the cafes and night clubs. like other women, she just wants to be a normal person like her friends. she told me so detailed about her household, while I was still prefer a loyal listener. until all of a sudden he started asking who I am and what there interests to Jakarta. after I told her, she was surprised.

“How can a married woman could not get together with your husband? ah, it’s not a household name. household is the husband and wife should be home together,” she said.

 I had to think, there are women who are so shocked to hear that my experience is often far from their husbands. but I understand it. because her experience is different from my experience.

 ”Whether this effect of Kartini’s emancipation? but I really do not agree, the family was to be sacrificed. how can you run it?” she asked Insistent. then we continued our conversation.

she shared his experience, and I shared my experiences. including the experience to meet other women who also have experienced similar problems. I can not say that I was so much to give feedback and suggestions to her. but she admitted her mind open, although once again in the end he still feels hard to accept the fact there are women like me. but he received and enthusiastically inquire further when we talk about the proper strategy and good communication with our respective partners. I really can not say much else about this woman, but to meet and listen to the other woman are my very valuable experience. how we learn to listen, ask questions, and share experiences. hopefully her household is getting better.

(Source: mylastparagraph.wordpress.com)

Now I tell you about the real-life story of a victim of human trafficking that I’ve ever reported.

Fifteen year old Sri, from Indramayu, never gave up hope of escaping from the Jakarta nightclub where she was held prisoner and forced to work as a prostitute.

“When I was offered the job, all I was told was that I would be working in a bread factory, but it turned out that I was to be sold into prostitution,” Sri* tells me, speaking slowly, with control and conviction. When I first laid eyes on her, petite, reserved and accompanied by her aunt, I had my doubts about whether she would want to talk to me. However, to my surprise and delight, she seems to appreciate the opportunity to share her experiences and speaks candidly about what happened to her.

When she was just three years old, she tells me, her parents divorced. Soon afterwards, her mother migrated overseas to work while her father remarried. Sri was sent to live with her aunt who had just moved to Jakarta. Unfortunately, this aunt took advantage of Sri and her naivety. As soon as Sri turned 15, her aunt pulled her out of school to work in a “bread factory”, with the promise of mouthwatering wages.

Sri knew something was not right when on her first day she was told to put on makeup and wear pretty clothes. Her suspicions only rose when she arrived to find not a bread factory but a night club in Cemara Kulon. Nevertheless, she was surprised and naturally horrified when she found out that she was to become a prostitute.

“I was put into a dormitory that adjoined the night club,” Sri explains. “They said it was the dormitory for ‘hostesses’.” From that moment on she was effectively a prisoner. “The night club was surrounded by a high fence and guarded by security staff so you couldn’t just walk in or out,” she says.

Determined to get out

For the first few days, Sri says, she was kept locked in the dormitory. She tried to break her way out of the room but her attempts were futile, and she was beaten repeatedly as punishment.

One of the other ‘hostesses’ was a girl called Poppy who, like Sri, had been tricked into working at the night club. Poppy gave Sri some information that would later prove invaluable.

“She told me about way out through the basement – a kind of drain,” says Sri. “But she said it wasn’t worth trying because if you got caught, they’d just beat you up even worse”.

Poppy had surrendered to her fate, but Sri was different. She never lost her determination to escape. She also refused to work as a prostitute. “Whenever I was offered to guests, I would always refuse,” she explains. “I agreed to work in the nightclub as a waitress but I refused to sleep with any men. But Mami [the woman in charge of the hostesses] wouldn’t accept this and I was beaten again.”

Sri tried to escape with the help of some of the other girls who felt sorry for her. However, she failed and was forced to go back to work in the night club. Still she refused to work as a prostitute.

“Whenever I was given to a client, instead of sleeping with them, I would talk to them, and most of them felt sorry for me,” Sri recalls. “Some of them though got angry and beat me”.

Eventually, Sri had no choice but to work as a prostitute. However, this didn’t dampen her determination to free herself. She made several more attempts to escape, even though each time she was caught red-handed and each time she was punished with a beating. The last time she was caught, the beating was so severe that she was left blind for a number of months.

It didn’t stop her trying to escape again, and this time, she finally succeeded. The night I finally escaped, I waited until everyone had fallen asleep. I tried to help the other girls – to get them to come with me. I even gave them money so they could get home. But none of them would come with me.” Finally with a heavy heart, Sri escaped on her own via the drain in the basement.

“Getting through the drain took more than one hour. It smelt disgusting, like something had died,” remembers Sri. It was seven o’clock the next morning when Sri finally succeeded in escaping from the night club. She headed straight for the nearest police station. Unfortunately, the first person the police called was her aunt, the very person who had sold Sri to the nightclub. However Sri refused to go home with her aunt and instead asked to be taken to friends of her family. They took her to hospital for treatment where she stayed for a number of days.

During her physical and emotional recovery, Sri, who was born a Muslim, began attending church services. “Yeah, I got a lots of spiritual guidance. I felt safe and comfortable there and I got a lot out of Christian teachings. I would attend sermons whenever I could and I even memorized some hymns,” said Sri.

Sri has now returned to her home in Indramayu. After a number of attempts to report what happened to her to police she has decided not to pursue her case further, saying she has had nothing but bad experiences.

Sri tells me how she has previously tried to report her case in a number of different police stations, including the Indramayu Police Headquarters. However, the police, she claims, have treated her dismissively and inappropriately. She got the impression that they did not take her case seriously and that by reporting it she was wasting their time.

“They acted like my case was a joke,” she says. “Some of them were flirting with me even though they were supposed to be doing their job. And when I complained about the way they were acting, they snapped at me and wouldn’t listen to what I was saying. I was really disappointed with the way I was treated. It was the same in other police stations. You give them money but they still didn’t do their job seriously,” explains Sri.

A Slap in the Face

The Women and Children’s Services Unit at the Indramayu Central Police Station claims that there had never been a trafficking case reported involving a person called Sri.

“Even if there was,” explained the female police officer I spoke to, who did not wish to be identified, “we would have not have just let it go like that. We would have done our best to help her. That’s what we always do. If there is evidence that we have not handled her case appropriately, especially if there is an impression that we were disrespectful, then we have indeed been neglectful. If what she’s saying is true, this is a strong criticism of our work and we will need to improve our service and our attitude,”

Similar sentiments were expressed by Suhiro, the head of Community Liaison at the Indramayu Police Headquarters. As the public face of the national community policing program (Polmas) in the region, Suhiro said this was very concerning and was a sharp criticism of the way this trafficking case was handled by police.

“This demonstrates our failure to socialize the community policing program at all levels of the Indonesian police. Of course, police officers are only human and Polmas is a new program. We still need time before all levels of the police force can reform themselves,” stressed Suhiro when Blakasuta met him in his office.

Suhiro said he hoped that the victim would come and report the case again. “If it is indeed true that a member or members of our staff behaved inappropriately, I think I represent everyone in the police force in apologizing for what they did. To us, this is a black mark against the name of the Indonesian police force.”

Meanwhile, according to Afandi, an activist from the NGO Perempuan As-Sakinah in Indramayu, Sri’s case is a slap in the face to all parties, especially the government and religious leaders, particularly as this case was not treated seriously or acted upon for several months, until finally the victim decided not to speak out further or pursue the case.

“For us, it’s difficult to assist in this case because we don’t want to put pressure on the victim. There’s things we can do to help, if the victim and her family give permission. If the victim refuses assistance, we can’t force the issue. We do humanitarian work, and we respect the decision of the victim. If we force her to accept our assistance then we are in breach of humanitarian principles,” said Afandi.

Sri, however, just wants to get on with her life. “In terms of getting help from the police, I’m not interested anymore,” she says “I’m just trying to accept what happened and forgive everyone involved.”

Response from Religious and Community figures

KH. Syakur Yasin

(Community leader and spiritual leader of Cadang Pinggan Pesantren, Kertasmaya, Indramayu)

This case demonstrates the failure of all parties to deal with the problem of trafficking. Why are so many members of our community falling victim to these crimes? Because we are not doing anything to defend them. Why do so many, too many, women suffer in Saudi Arabia, in Batam? Why do so many of them run away? Why aren’t the perpetrators of trafficking punished as harshly as possible? Even though, I don’t think it’s difficult to figure out who they are. Maybe the problem is that many of the perpetrators are government officials. So it’s easy for them to protect themselves – they can just buy their way out. It’s ok for them, but what about poor farmers and their families?

So why is there no effort to deal with cases of trafficking seriously? Even even when the perpetrator’s identity and location is known, the cases are not followed up properly. Until now all we’ve done is talk. If we care about our community, let’s actually do something about it.

Our state system has failed us. Everyone has the right to eat. So why are so many people going hungry? The solution is not just to reach out to migrant workers but to solve the underlying economic and social issues. Because husbands sell their own wives. And in Indramayu, children with no more than a primary school education are sold by their parents, are forced to work because their parents want to buy a fancy house. This shouldn’t be happening in the 21st century. If parents knowingly sell their own children, is this trafficking? Who is the perpetrator? This is where NGOs like Fahmina Institute come in because they can defend victims of such cases.

The government also needs to be more committed to the issue of trafficking. The state should focus its efforts on groups vulnerable to trafficking by creating a legal instrument that is clear, committed to victims rights, so they are protected from coercion and the misuse of authority. This is a matter of law enforcement in terms of recruitment agents, pimps and brothel owners, regional governments and leaders that allow it to happen, and the whole vicious circle that allows trafficking to occur.

KH Hussein Muhammad

(Commisioner of the National Women’s Rights Commision as well as the Head of Fahmina-institute’s policy board)

This failure of law enforcement is one of the factors contributing to the high number of women who become victims of violence and exploitation in the form of trafficking. The state should pay proper attention. We are grateful that the state has passed the Parliamentary Act concerning the Elimination of the Crime of Human Trafficking (21/2007), but now its time it was implemented in a serious, committed fashion.

What we are talking about is rule of law. Religious leaders and organizations need to be take this problem seriously. We can’t just look at it from a moral perspective, or see it as a problem of weakness of faith on the part of victims. Often, they are just trying to survive. And religious leaders are not protecting them or providing any real solution to their problems. We can’t talk about weakness of faith in these situations when people are just trying to stay alive and to make ends meet.

Religious leaders and the faithful among us should do more than just advise people to pray or to attend to their religious duties. We have to actively campaign for protection of victims. We can’t just go back to our pesantren, we also have to reflect upon ourselves, contextualize religious teachings and form closer relationships with the local communities around us.

Faqihuddin Abdul Kodir

(Head of Yayasan Fahmina and Lecturer in Fiqh Ahkam, STAIN Cirebon)

This really is a slap in the face for all concerned: the family, the community and particularly the state. The state has not only failed to protect its citizens from the crime of trafficking, but is actually an accessory to the crime because it just lets these things happen and doesn’t use its power to give any satisfactory form of assistance. Of course, the state isn’t to blame for everything. The community also has a stake in this problem.

But we can’t just sit back and blame each other. We need to reflect on the role of society and the role of our faith in this issue. Shouldn’t our faith compel us to do everything we can to prevent this crime from happening and provide assistance for victims? If the victims of crime can’t get help, then how can we expect Allah Swt to help us face our own problems. Didn’t the Prophet say: “Allah will help us when we provide help to our brothers and sisters”.

A case like Sri’s is a double slap in our faces because the victim went so far as to change her religious beliefs after becoming frustrated at not finding a friend or support amongst people of her own faith. This issue is a test of our faith: will we be content to sermonize or will we take to the streets and demand change.

(Source: mylastparagraph.wordpress.com)

in a discussion, our teacher suddenly asked. The first, “one man ruled country and aims to achieve the common good is called?”, we replied “monarchy”. “But if the goal is only achieved personal kindness, cruel and unjust ruler the country called?”, then we answered the “tyranny”. The second, “which ruled the country and have some noble purpose is called the common good?”, we replied “aristocracy”. “and if not, the country is called?”, then quickly we answer “the oligarchy”. but then, we stopped a little longer when we got the following two questions: “a country of freedom and the objective is for the common good and ruled more people called?” … we are still silent, not how long we said “democracy”.

The next question, which aims at achieving the common good, maketh freedom as the basis of political equality, the strong control of the sub altern (the poor) to the concerned authorities and the country was ruled a lot of people called? “….. we still did not answer. Then our teacher answered , “it is timocracy (politea), politea is the opposite of democracy.” Our silent because all this what is in our thoughts about democracy is actually a politea. although the forms so it does not stand alone, but full of ideological contestation. and what are the criteria mentioned above form the country according to Thomas Aquinas (1226-1274 AD).

(Source: mylastparagraph.wordpress.com)

On a Friday afternoon in late 2010, a crowd has gathered in Gramedia bookshop in Cirebon, West Java to participate in a discussion with expert panellists about The ‘O’ Project, one of the most talked-about books of the year. The ‘O’ in the title is for orgasm and the book, by activist Firliana Purwanti, is based around conversations with women from diverse backgrounds about their experiences of sexual orgasm. These conversations took place in Aceh, Jakarta and Surabaya between April and December 2009, and include frank discussion on controversial topics such as female circumcision, virginity, polygamy, lesbianism, sex work, HIV/AIDS and masturbation.

Many Indonesians, particularly those from devout Muslim backgrounds, would consider it taboo for women to speak openly about their experiences of sexual pleasure. Like The ‘O’ Project, the afternoon’s event aimed to confront that taboo head on and in doing so inspire critical discussion about sexuality and related social justice issues. Participants in the event, most of whom are affiliated with pesantren (Indonesia’s traditional academies of Islamic studies), seem happy to embrace the spirit of the book, and speak frankly (or at least listen to others speak frankly) about the issues it raises. It’s a lively discussion, provoking a lot of questions, giggles and sometimes raucous laughter from participants. On masturbation The event was organised by the executive student body of a local Islamic tertiary college, Fahmina Institute for Islamic Studies (ISIF), which has strong links to the local pesantren community. Joining the author of The ‘O’ Project, on the expert panel were Nyai Masriyah Amva, the head of Pondok Jambu Pesantren and herself a bestselling author, and Rozikoh Sukardi, the Manager of Islam and Gender Programs from Fahmina Institute, the nongovernmental organisation behind ISIF.

Most audience members also had a pesantren background. It is not surprising then, that a large part of the afternoon’s discussion centred on how the issues and ideas raised in The ‘O’ Project relate to Islamic teachings and the lives of devout Muslims. The ‘O’ Project was not written with the pesantren community specifically in mind and Firli, though Muslim, is not from a pesantren background. Nevertheless, both she and her fellow panellists agree that the book is relevant to the pesantren community. Firli explained that confronting myths and taboos about women’s sexuality was a way for her to provoke discussion about inequality in sexual relationships. ‘I think the stories about orgasm in this book, told by women who have found the courage to break through taboo, can help other women who have experienced discrimination or injustices in sexual relationships.’ Achieving equality for women in sexual relationships, she argues, is an important aspect of achieving equality for women more broadly.

‘If discrimination in the bedroom can be eliminated then discrimination in the public arena will be easier to overcome’, she said. Nyai Mas, from Pondok Jambu pesantren, agrees that this underlying message about the need for equality in sexual relationships is highly relevant to people from pesantren backgrounds. ‘I feel that we in the pesantren community really need this book,’ she said. ‘I agree with the author that women often do not obtain justice including behind closed doors such as in the bedroom. This book would be of benefit to couples by helping them to respect and appreciate each other’s point of view. But although Nyai Mas approves of The ‘O’ Project’s message about the need for gender equality in sexual relationships, she does not agree with Firli about everything. During the discussion, a young woman in the audience called Cici asked a question about masturbation. Cici has attended a pesantren and has never masturbated – indeed, she admitted that before reading The ‘O’ Project, she hadn’t even really understood what the word meant. When Cici asks the panellists about how masturbation is seen from a religious point of view, Firli and Nyai Mas give very different responses.

Firli does not claim to be an authority on religious teachings, but she argues that masturbation is both natural and an important way for women to get to understand their bodies. Nyai Mas does not agree. Although she stresses that it is not her place or her right to tell other people they may not masturbate, she believes that masturbation is an example of deviant sexual behaviour and thus is not permitted according to Islamic teaching. ‘This is religious doctrine,’ she argued. Despite living alone since her husband’s death in 2004, Nyai Mas says she has no need to masturbate. ‘Of course, I still want to experience orgasm, but I’ve replaced sexual orgasm with spiritual orgasm. If I’m bored and have nothing to do, I’d rather just read a book’ she says. Teaching about sex One of the topics raised in the discussion was the issue of whether sex education should be compulsory for school students. The issue became topical in Indonesia in 2010 following the sex-tape scandal involving pop singer Nazril Irham (better known as Ariel, from the band Peterpan) and concern about school students accessing the sex tapes online.

At the time, Indonesia’s Education Minister, Mohammad Nuh, rejected the idea that sex education should become part of the curriculum in secondary schools, saying that young people will learn about sex ‘naturally’. His comments were criticised by a number of sex education advocates and led to public debate about the issue of sex education in schools.